While some couples opt to both keep their original surnames, from my experience as an officiant, a lot of couples still implement some type of name change when getting married. However, as we all know, times have changed! Pun, not necessarily intended. In addition to our country’s prominently adopted tradition of one person, historically the woman, the bride in a heterosexual couple, changing her last name, the evolvement of humanity has helped create other options.
In actuality, all name changing options have been around for a very long time in many cultures, and countries. The origin of a woman changing her last name upon marriage is stemmed in an archaic concept representing the transfer of property ownership. That’s right. I said it. Viewing a woman as a piece of property that belonged to her family, and now to the husband, upon marriage. While this original meaning may not be a part of most couples’ modern day views, it can be helpful to know its original intent. The idea is obviously outdated, and may even seem a bit comical to some. There are still some parts of the population that live their life bound by similar concepts. The important thing is to not let past meanings interfere with your possible choice to change your name. Let it mean what it means for you. Period. Perhaps it is simply a way to further validate your union as a couple, and state your love for each other.
In other cultures, including some in America, things have consistently been different. Some have surnames as their first name, instead of last name, and have multiple surnames attached to their personal first name, whether married or not, such as in Hispanic cultures.
The practice of hyphenating last names when marrying began in the 15th century. However, at that time it was reserved for nobility and only the most wealthy. The original intent was to signify the combining of family fortunes. In Victorian times it became more popular, and gradually became an option for anyone.
Depending on your perspective, there may be pros and cons with each option. Some consider having the same last name as a way to create simplicity for children, as well as legal documents, and important records. Others have the belief that combining names validates each person’s heritage, and individuality, which may create more of a feeling of equality within the dynamics of the relationship.
In actuality, it is a name. Simply a name. The importance that it has, is the importance that you believe that it has. That will be different for each individual, couple and family. We have had our original names for a very long time. It makes sense that letting one of them go could be challenging, and come with emotions and a need for time to process. Changing, or blending a name when one is used to the familiarity of the name they are used to can be met with excitement, resistance, or neutrality. The decision can be challenging and difficult, or simple and easy. Like everything else and how we experience it, it is really up to us.
Two last interesting and creative options to consider. One is for the couple to combine their last names to create a completely new blended name. This name is used by both parties, as well as given to any children they may have. The second idea is for the couple to simply choose a new name. Something not necessarily attached or resembling either current name. Maybe you will come up with something completely different that supports and uniquely represents you.
Whatever you decide, there is no right or wrong way to do this. Whether you change any name or not, your marriage is about the two of you, much more than a name.
-Sindi Somers–
